This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
