I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
