we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
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