I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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