Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
