Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
