you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
