I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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