In the future we'll all be gay
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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