It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
