i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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