He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
The maid of honor just puked.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I could have mohawked her pubes.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
