where does the pee come out of this thing
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
