Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
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