My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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