I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize