at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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