giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
