how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Just high enough for therapy.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
