Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
