Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
