My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
