Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
