she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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