Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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