She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
