I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
