You're earring is so big in my mouth
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
