Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
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