I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
do herpes really smell.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
