I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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