how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
BRING THE BAGELS
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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