it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
you never un-have a 4some
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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