Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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