So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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