But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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