dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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