If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
