I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
There are leaves in my underwear?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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