Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Please don't give away my fajitas
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