she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
