having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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