porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
