walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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