All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
