Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
