Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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