she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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