So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Randomize
