guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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