So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
