this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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