Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
