I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
My pussy is not your playground.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Randomize
