for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
My penis needs a shock collar
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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