thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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