did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
