its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
