She went from zero to smokin in five shots
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
