Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
