I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
