you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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