I love black thongs
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
