their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
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