he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
