um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize