the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
