I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
