just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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