Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Randomize
