Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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