im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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