you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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