i think my tv is drunk
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
