her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
That reminds me...we need to get swords
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
