Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
