so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
